Oregon Mediator for Divorce Mediation, CDFA®, & QDRO Preparation
Oregon Mediator for Divorce Mediation, CDFA®, & QDRO Preparation
Litigated divorce can now take more than four years to finalize, with each party lucky if they get out for less than $50,000/yr, you are in the court - PER PARTY.
I wish I were exaggerating. This case highlights the fact that mediated divorces usually take less than a quarter of the time a litigated case takes to finalize. In fact, 25%
Litigated divorce can now take more than four years to finalize, with each party lucky if they get out for less than $50,000/yr, you are in the court - PER PARTY.
I wish I were exaggerating. This case highlights the fact that mediated divorces usually take less than a quarter of the time a litigated case takes to finalize. In fact, 25% of my caseload are parties leaving the litigated forum because they have been in court for over four years and now have very little remaining in their marital estate and nothing to show for the cost.
These parents had been to court every six months since divorcing four years prior, trying to get a workable parenting plan. When they finally met with me in mediation, I was able to spend the time necessary to create a plan that addressed the specific needs unique to these parties. In litigation, a judge does not have the time to address personal needs or develop customized plans.
Most often, divorcing parties are unaware of their rights and responsibilities regarding their marital estate. When they begin their initial negotiation with each other, they will often either give away more than they need or be unaware of what they are entitled to. I always encourage prospective clients to:
- Work with a professional w
Most often, divorcing parties are unaware of their rights and responsibilities regarding their marital estate. When they begin their initial negotiation with each other, they will often either give away more than they need or be unaware of what they are entitled to. I always encourage prospective clients to:
- Work with a professional who is an expert in the field of divorce.
- Make sure they are credentialed to look at your marital assets through the lens of divorce and ensure you are comparing apples to apples when you are dividing your assets.
- Never negotiate outside of mediation.
Sometimes, a difficult conversation leads to the realization that you are better off letting go of unhealthy relationships. Mediation can offer the opportunity to do that in a way that honors the reality of the past and brings peace of mind when looking toward the future.
A big part of my job is de-escalating conflict and shifting parties away from positional ideas of the outcome, to a more collaborative approach that values fairness for all parties.
Joseph Joubert
A couple with two small children decided to divorce. I initially provided divorce mediation where they developed an agreement that addressed fair and equitable property division, manageable spousal support and child support, and a parenting plan that met the needs of the children and fit the unique circumstances of the parents' work schedules.
Conflict broke out between the parties around dating (as both parties started dating before the divorce was finalized) and feelings of betrayal arose. To retaliate, the mother pulled out of the mediated agreement and retained an attorney. The consequences that resulted caused the divorce to escalate to an all-out war and shredded the family for three years. Attorneys were hired on both sides, and after several delays with the court, ultimately, through settlement agreements, a higher amount of spousal support was ordered to be paid to the husband for an additional year and a half. Personal property division was reallocated to the satisfaction of neither party and no consideration was taken for their work schedules as the "standard" parenting plan was ordered. The total cost for the case was over $150,000, paid for by loans from family members.
Needless to say, all marital assets and savings were quickly spent without attaining an agreement that met their needs. They are now working privately between the two of them to get back to the customized parenting plan created in the original mediation because it addressed their needs around unique work schedules.
Don't let this be you!
Take away: You have heard it said that when it comes to litigation, the only winners are the attorneys. This is a classic example of that. But what could have gone differently to create a different outcome?
A four-years-post-divorce couple came to me for mediation to modify their Parenting Plan. The father wanted to take the opportunity to leverage the mother's needs to address some things about the divorce settlement that he didn't like. I explained that the divorce had been final for four years and that those issues were settled. Regardless, throughout the mediation, he would still try to force her to consider the divorce in exchange for his cooperation in the Parenting Plan. When I would remind him that this mediation was not the venue for addressing those concerns, he stated that he felt the judge would consider his concerns based on the fact that things did not turn out as they were projected to. I shared information about the process of a family case in Deschutes County - in short, a minimum of a year and $50,000 if he chose to litigate the case. He was undaunted and didn't want to let the issues go, so I let them know that I would not be able to mediate the parenting plan.
Two years later, he came to my office and reminded me of my caution. He then told me I had been wrong, it hadn't been a year and $50,000. It had been a year and a half and $80,000 and nothing had been addressed in the parenting plan, his children were suffering for it, and he was requesting mediation again.
Take Away:
I received a panicked phone call from a gentleman who had been trying to get a divorce for 3 years. His wife had gone through 3 attorneys during that time and was currently unrepresented. He had a new settlement offer he wanted her to review but was concerned about her ability to understand it. To complicate things, in ten days, he was leaving the country for 6 months and psychologically needed the divorce done by the time he left.
He asked if I would be willing to go over the document with his wife and offer the perspective of someone who is credentialed in reviewing the division of financial assets.
When I went through the document, I grew very concerned because not only were the requests unfavorable to her, they were adverse to him! Due to the way the assets were being viewed, huge costs and unnecessary liabilities were being incurred by both parties. At one point in the document, the wording was so convoluted that the attorney himself felt the need to add an explanation and example to clarify that section of the settlement.
When I shared my concerns with both parties and offered to finalize their division of personal property as well, I was able to bring them into mediation to go over each item of settlement in a way that set them both up for success in finalizing things. At one point, there was impasse on a specific item for which they both held sentimental value. When I observed that either one of them could travel first class to where they purchased that item, stay in a 5-star resort, and buy five more of them for what they were saving in litigation fees, they both started arguing about who was going to give it to the other the quickest!
These parties submitted their stipulated agreement to the court within three days of having met me.
Take Away:
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