What clients are saying

"My friends have been in court trying to get a divorce for 2 and a half years now. After mediation, my divorce was finalized with a judge's signature in less than a week!"

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

"My friends have been in court trying to get a divorce for 2 and a half years now. After mediation, my divorce was finalized with a judge's signature in less than a week!"

Litigated divorce can now take more than three years to finalize, with each party lucky if they get out for less than $50,000 (more often than not, it will be $80-100k per party). I wish I were exaggerating. While I don't pretend the above mediated case is typical, it does highlight the fact that mediated divorces usually take less than a quarter of the time a litigated case takes to finalize.

Bonus: they also cost a fraction of what a litigated divorce costs!

"Finally, a Parenting Plan that meets our needs!"

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

"My friends have been in court trying to get a divorce for 2 and a half years now. After mediation, my divorce was finalized with a judge's signature in less than a week!"

These parents had been to court every six months since divorcing four years prior, trying to get a workable parenting plan. When they finally met with me in mediation, I was able to spend the time necessary to create a plan that addressed the specific needs unique to these parties. In litigation, a judge does not have the time to address personal needs or develop customized plans.

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

Sometimes, a difficult conversation leads to the realization that you are better off letting go of unhealthy relationships. Mediation can offer the opportunity to do that in a way that honors the reality of the past and brings peace of mind when looking toward the future.

Cautionary tales: Details adjusted To protect privacy

Horror Story One

A couple with two small children decided to divorce. I initially provided divorce mediation where they developed an agreement that addressed fair and equitable property division, manageable spousal support and child support, and a parenting plan that met the needs of the children and fit the unique circumstances of the parents' work schedules.

Conflict broke out between the parties around dating (as both parties started dating before the divorce was finalized) and feelings of betrayal arose. To retaliate, the mother pulled out of the mediated agreement and retained an attorney. The consequences that resulted caused the divorce to escalate to an all-out war and shredded the family for three years. Attorneys were hired on both sides, and after several delays with the court, ultimately, through settlement agreements, a higher amount of spousal support was ordered to be paid to the husband for an additional year and a half. Personal property division was reallocated to the satisfaction of neither party and no consideration was taken for their work schedules as the "standard" parenting plan was ordered. The total cost for the case was over $150,000, paid for by loans from family members.

Needless to say, all marital assets and savings were quickly spent without attaining an agreement that met their needs. They are now working privately between the two of them to get back to the customized parenting plan created in the original mediation because it addressed their needs around unique work schedules.

Don't let this be you!

Take away: You have heard it said that when it comes to litigation, the only winners are the attorneys. This is a classic example of that. But what could have gone differently to create a different outcome?

I recommend my parties avoid dating before the divorce is over. I have rarely met a couple who are at the same place emotionally in the divorce. It can be incredibly hurtful and disruptive to the process. Stick to the process of mediation and before you know it, you will be free to move on unencumbered.
However, if you can’t avoid it or have started a relationship before reading this, do not mention it to your soon-to-be former spouse. Again, it can cause pain during a time they should be trying to represent their needs as well as heal.
It is important to keep the momentum going that gets developed in mediation. I always encourage my clients to have their agreements reviewed by an attorney. However, once that review has happened, I insist they sign their mediated agreement. This makes it a legal contract to be honored and tends to keep things on track for the couples until they receive their divorce decree.

Horror Story Two

A four-years-post-divorce couple came to me for mediation to modify their Parenting Plan. The father wanted to take the opportunity to leverage the mother's needs to address some things about the divorce settlement that he didn't like. I explained that the divorce had been final for four years and that those issues were settled. Regardless, throughout the mediation, he would still try to force her to consider the divorce in exchange for his cooperation in the Parenting Plan. When I would remind him that this mediation was not the venue for addressing those concerns, he stated that he felt the judge would consider his concerns based on the fact that things did not turn out as they were projected to. I shared information about the process of a family case in Deschutes County - in short, a minimum of a year and $50,000 if he chose to litigate the case. He was undaunted and didn't want to let the issues go, so I let them know that I would not be able to mediate the parenting plan.

Two years later, he came to my office and reminded me of my caution. He then told me I had been wrong, it hadn't been a year and $50,000. It had been a year and a half and $80,000 and nothing had been addressed in the parenting plan, his children were suffering for it, and he was requesting mediation again.

Take Away:

Rarely do parties walk away from court attaining what they were seeking. I have worked with many judges over the years, and every one of them has told me that when they give a ruling and neither party is happy, they know they have given a good ruling. I don't know if this is what they are taught in Judge's School, but that is not someone I would want to decide my fate.
I do not mingle divorce negotiations with parenting plan development. They are handled separately. When I mediate a parenting plan, I mediate in the best interest of the child. Introducing divorce issues into that conversation can easily muddy the waters as to what is in the best interest of the child.

What clients are saying

"My friends have been in court trying to get a divorce for 2 and a half years now. After mediation, my divorce was finalized with a judge's signature in less than a week!"

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

"My friends have been in court trying to get a divorce for 2 and a half years now. After mediation, my divorce was finalized with a judge's signature in less than a week!"

"Finally, a Parenting Plan that meets our needs!"

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

"My friends have been in court trying to get a divorce for 2 and a half years now. After mediation, my divorce was finalized with a judge's signature in less than a week!"

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

"While the mediation did not turn out as I expected, Sharleé helped our family have a long-needed difficult conversation. I was able to move on with peace about the situation and do what was going to take my family in a healthier direction."

Never cut what you can untie.

Cautionary tales: Details adjusted To protect privacy

Horror Story One

Horror Story Two

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